Joke 1:
Wife: Stop looking at other women you are married now.
Husband: You mean if I am on diet I can't even have a look at the menu?

Joke 2:
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper. So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one every day.

Joke 3:
Husband: Darling, Years ago you had a figure like coke bottle.
Wife: yes darling I still do, only difference is earlier it was 250ml now it's 1.5 liter.

Joke 4:
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means: Without Information Fighting Every time!
Wife: No, It means with Idiot forever.

Joke 5:
Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So, I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: for you and your parents.